I am very open when I write my mental health & values stories & how my childhood contributed to how my life panned out. It is part of my healing process & I find it important also to reach others like me who may be looking for help.
I don't share any other details of my personal life & definitely not much about my family.
It is great that you can open up, I have lost three people to suicide which was related to mental health and my son tried to take his life a few years ago. It is great that people like yourself Zarine are strong enough to talk, open up and help others.
Very little shocks or surprises me any more and certainly not nudity. Pornography simply makes me feel sad for those taking part and those who find it stimulating for, to me, it represents a form of exploitation and/or a relatively ignorant regard for sexuality and intimacy between human beings. However, even then, I have to remind myself that despite it being distasteful to me and my view about what sex ought to entail or embody, I am just one person. As I understand it, there are those who need the stimulation of pornography to become aroused. I admit that I don't understand that but if it is true and providing it doesn't involve undesired or forced involvement, then who am I to judge?
I have always been an extremely open person when it comes to my own life. I don't know why I'm that way and have never been able to decide that it is a positive or negative characteristic. I tend towards considering it a positive, in that even if others find some aspects of me or my views to be offensive, they at least have the knowledge to decide whether to pursue any connection with me or not. Personally, I do subscribe to the old axiom: 'Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.' However, at the same time, I have no wish to upset, hurt or distress anyone, so I often feel guilty if my openness has caused distress to someone else. So, I have no certainty that my view is a correct one.
In terms of my own experiences and the results of being too open, I can be more definite though, again, my experience may not generalise well to that of others. For me, my openness has been disastrous. It has cost me relationships with friends, family, colleagues superordinates and subordinates, neighbours and more. It has cost me references, jobs, access to rental accommodation, promotion and even, at times, respect. It has even resulted in my involuntary incarceration without transgression or crime, without evidence, without trial, and with physical abuse to my person, despite my having cooperated quietly regardless of my situtation being that of unnecessary and unwarranted victimisation.
I am not a particularly gullible person and am of reasonable intelligence but because of my openness and belief that to gain trust one has to give trust, I have been cheated, conned, maligned, threatened, charged for work not done, overcharged, had my property stolen and worse. Those who've known and 'advised' me, have said that it is my own fault - that I shouldn't take people at their word. Having long been a student of religion and politics, intellectually, I know that such is accurate advice. Emotionally, however, I do not want to become similar in manner to those who suspect everyone and trust no-one. So, again, I find myself in a quandary of ambivalence.
When I mention these aspects of openness, I do not refer to delivering unwanted, undesirable, or potentially disturbing or harmful messages in situations or to others that haven't called for my views or contact or contribution. It seems that in the case you describe, you received that 'open' message without having done anything to instigate it other than to be yourself. My feeling is that therefore it was inappropriate.
Exposing oneself or not is one's own responsibility and one had to take ownership of the results. As they say, "It is no use crying over spilt milk" and I'd suggest that is particularly true when one has intentionally spilt the milk. No, I don't suggest that being personally open gives any licence to others to hurt, discredit, defame, abuse or whatever; however the potential for that exists and as human nature is what it is and includes so many variations, it is reasonable to expect that one's openness may have unfortunate, disturbing, unwanted and perhaps even severely harmful consequences. Your piece suggests that you have an understanding, open and caring wife who trusts you and so this event has passed without undue stress or consequence. Were your wife to be of a different nature, however, things may have transpired in a very different and perhaps very destructive way.
So, I apologise for my long winded expression. It is a failing of mine. I tend to write in a 'stream of consciousness' style and consider that is the cause of it.
In summary, I would encourage others to be as open as possible but not to move beyond their comfort zone. Ideally, I suggest that before releasing personal information into the ecosphere, one gives careful thought to the possible implications of its release and the potential for personal harm or that of others. I also suggest that it is important to remember that what seems trivial or of no consequence today could be quite the opposite years into the future.
When others choose to 'open-up' to you, my feeling is that the same care is required, i.e. it is important, where possible, to stop someone if they are moving beyond your comfort zone and explain to them that you'd rather they didn't continue. In my view, there is no such thing as a 'shared secret'. Once someone includes you in their 'experience' or 'feelings' you are tied to something over which you have no control and which may 'come back to bite you' at some time and, often, when you least expect it or when you never imagined how it could. Most of us have a hard enough time reaching an accommodation with our own 'secrets' or 'personal peccadiloes', do we really want to deal with those of others, too?
What a wonderful response, thank you for sharing your feeling with us I truly appreciate the time you took in doing so. Each of us have our own beliefs and values, for me this should be respected.
Your response reminds me of a Medium friend, who is very dear to me, he too is thoughtful and really thinks about what he writes and always comes across as the caring person he is.
Hi, my intentions aren't to nitpick, I make many subtle errors and typos myself. Just thought you may want to change the "To" in your title to the "too" you've used in your content. Of course, I accept that perhaps I have misunderstood and you actually are intending your content to be about reaching a personal connection as opposed to being overly personal. ☮️
I like how you choose to be vulnerable Robert.
I am very open when I write my mental health & values stories & how my childhood contributed to how my life panned out. It is part of my healing process & I find it important also to reach others like me who may be looking for help.
I don't share any other details of my personal life & definitely not much about my family.
It is great that you can open up, I have lost three people to suicide which was related to mental health and my son tried to take his life a few years ago. It is great that people like yourself Zarine are strong enough to talk, open up and help others.
Thank you for doing this :)
My heart goes out to you Robert. I hope your son is feeling better & safe now.
Most welcome. If I can make a difference to even one person it matters. Because you see, life really is worth living & being happy in.
Yes it was a difficult time, but he talks about he feelings and is better, still has wobbles though.
Thank you
Thanks for sharing Robert. I am glad he is better.
Very little shocks or surprises me any more and certainly not nudity. Pornography simply makes me feel sad for those taking part and those who find it stimulating for, to me, it represents a form of exploitation and/or a relatively ignorant regard for sexuality and intimacy between human beings. However, even then, I have to remind myself that despite it being distasteful to me and my view about what sex ought to entail or embody, I am just one person. As I understand it, there are those who need the stimulation of pornography to become aroused. I admit that I don't understand that but if it is true and providing it doesn't involve undesired or forced involvement, then who am I to judge?
I have always been an extremely open person when it comes to my own life. I don't know why I'm that way and have never been able to decide that it is a positive or negative characteristic. I tend towards considering it a positive, in that even if others find some aspects of me or my views to be offensive, they at least have the knowledge to decide whether to pursue any connection with me or not. Personally, I do subscribe to the old axiom: 'Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.' However, at the same time, I have no wish to upset, hurt or distress anyone, so I often feel guilty if my openness has caused distress to someone else. So, I have no certainty that my view is a correct one.
In terms of my own experiences and the results of being too open, I can be more definite though, again, my experience may not generalise well to that of others. For me, my openness has been disastrous. It has cost me relationships with friends, family, colleagues superordinates and subordinates, neighbours and more. It has cost me references, jobs, access to rental accommodation, promotion and even, at times, respect. It has even resulted in my involuntary incarceration without transgression or crime, without evidence, without trial, and with physical abuse to my person, despite my having cooperated quietly regardless of my situtation being that of unnecessary and unwarranted victimisation.
I am not a particularly gullible person and am of reasonable intelligence but because of my openness and belief that to gain trust one has to give trust, I have been cheated, conned, maligned, threatened, charged for work not done, overcharged, had my property stolen and worse. Those who've known and 'advised' me, have said that it is my own fault - that I shouldn't take people at their word. Having long been a student of religion and politics, intellectually, I know that such is accurate advice. Emotionally, however, I do not want to become similar in manner to those who suspect everyone and trust no-one. So, again, I find myself in a quandary of ambivalence.
When I mention these aspects of openness, I do not refer to delivering unwanted, undesirable, or potentially disturbing or harmful messages in situations or to others that haven't called for my views or contact or contribution. It seems that in the case you describe, you received that 'open' message without having done anything to instigate it other than to be yourself. My feeling is that therefore it was inappropriate.
Exposing oneself or not is one's own responsibility and one had to take ownership of the results. As they say, "It is no use crying over spilt milk" and I'd suggest that is particularly true when one has intentionally spilt the milk. No, I don't suggest that being personally open gives any licence to others to hurt, discredit, defame, abuse or whatever; however the potential for that exists and as human nature is what it is and includes so many variations, it is reasonable to expect that one's openness may have unfortunate, disturbing, unwanted and perhaps even severely harmful consequences. Your piece suggests that you have an understanding, open and caring wife who trusts you and so this event has passed without undue stress or consequence. Were your wife to be of a different nature, however, things may have transpired in a very different and perhaps very destructive way.
So, I apologise for my long winded expression. It is a failing of mine. I tend to write in a 'stream of consciousness' style and consider that is the cause of it.
In summary, I would encourage others to be as open as possible but not to move beyond their comfort zone. Ideally, I suggest that before releasing personal information into the ecosphere, one gives careful thought to the possible implications of its release and the potential for personal harm or that of others. I also suggest that it is important to remember that what seems trivial or of no consequence today could be quite the opposite years into the future.
When others choose to 'open-up' to you, my feeling is that the same care is required, i.e. it is important, where possible, to stop someone if they are moving beyond your comfort zone and explain to them that you'd rather they didn't continue. In my view, there is no such thing as a 'shared secret'. Once someone includes you in their 'experience' or 'feelings' you are tied to something over which you have no control and which may 'come back to bite you' at some time and, often, when you least expect it or when you never imagined how it could. Most of us have a hard enough time reaching an accommodation with our own 'secrets' or 'personal peccadiloes', do we really want to deal with those of others, too?
What a wonderful response, thank you for sharing your feeling with us I truly appreciate the time you took in doing so. Each of us have our own beliefs and values, for me this should be respected.
Your response reminds me of a Medium friend, who is very dear to me, he too is thoughtful and really thinks about what he writes and always comes across as the caring person he is.
Thank you
Hi, my intentions aren't to nitpick, I make many subtle errors and typos myself. Just thought you may want to change the "To" in your title to the "too" you've used in your content. Of course, I accept that perhaps I have misunderstood and you actually are intending your content to be about reaching a personal connection as opposed to being overly personal. ☮️