Why Men Aren't Really Obsessed with Sex
The Great Bacon Deception
Disclaimer: This article is purely for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as scientific fact. Bacon is delicious, but it’s not a substitute for therapy, although I can confirm that my therpist likes bacon, which just confuses things!.
A groundbreaking scientific investigation
Have you heard the rumour? I am sure you have. Men think about sex every seven seconds. It’s a claim as old as time itself and about as accurate. But why? Why do we, creatures (men), blessed (or cursed) with the ability to ponder the meaning of life, instead choose to dwell on the intricacies of horizontal tango?
Let’s dive deep into the male psyche, or at least as deep as possible without getting arrested, remember this is about bacon and not sex…
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After years of rigorous research (mostly involving watching a lot of TV), I uncovered a startling truth: men don’t actually think about sex every seven seconds.
They think about bacon. That’s right, bacon. The salty, crispy, porky delight.
Now, you might be wondering how bacon relates to sex. Well, it’s simple. Bacon is delicious. Sex is (hopefully) enjoyable. Both involve anticipation, satisfaction, and a certain level of primal urge. It’s like comparing apples and… well, really good bacon, with maybe a helping of tangy sauce!!!
Some scientists claim that the obsession with bacon, and by extension, sex, is deeply rooted in our evolutionary past. Back in the caveman days, men who were good at hunting bacon were more likely to attract a mate. It was a simple equation: more bacon, more babies. And so, the cycle continued, resulting in the modern man who can’t stop thinking about either.
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So, how can we break this bacon-induced sex-crazed loop? Well, there’s always the nuclear option: banning bacon. But let’s be realistic. That’s not going to happen.
Instead, we propose a more humane approach: replace bacon with equally delicious but less suggestive foods. Perhaps kale? Or tofu? We know, we know, it’s a tall order, but someone’s got to do it.
In conclusion, while the seven-second rule is a myth, there’s no denying that men have a penchant for the carnal. But let’s remember, it’s not all about sex. It’s about bacon or maybe kale; either way, you decide.