Turning Lag Time into Laugh Time
Embrace the Pause
The Lag
So, I feel very frustrated this afternoon as I am in the unenviable position of trying to edit articles while tethered to a dog-slow internet connection.
Welcome to the digital stone age, where buffering is a blood sport and lag time is a cruel mistress. I am an intrepid internet explorer today, for we shall navigate these treacherous waters together.
Embrace the Zen of Slow Loading
So, how can I combat the buffering circle we all hate to see?
Meditate on the buffer wheel, let it spin, let it hypnotize you; I am channelling your inner yogi and finding peace in the pause.
Practice patience, and I need to remember that good things come to those who wait or, in this case, those who wait really long.
Developing a new hobby, learning to knit, was an option, as was sculpting ice sculptures or mastering the ancient art of staring at a blank wall, but I could not master those fine arts!!!
Hack Your Way to Faster Speeds
Perform a rain dance, a classic technique proven to summon the internet gods. At least, that is what my wife told me. Check out the article I wrote about it here.
Sacrifice a tech gadget, a small price to pay for high-speed salvation; even better if you sacrifice someone else without telling them, only to act innocent when they discover it has gone, “It wasn’t me”.
Consult a shaman. They may have some ancient wisdom about digital spirits and network conduits, and even if they don’t, it would still be a cool conversation while the magic circle continues to spin.
Optimize Your Workflow
Plan and schedule your internet-intensive tasks during peak performance hours (i.e., when the dog isn’t hogging the bandwidth).
Embrace offline editing using a word processor or a trusty notepad. Remember, the quill and ink method is still a viable option.
Learn to type faster because every second counts……
Find Humor in the Chaos
Laughing at the absurdity of a slow internet connection is a comedy of errors waiting to happen, a good drink helps, but be careful not to splur your writing (words) you drunken mess!!
Share your misery and bond with fellow internet sufferers; this is my feeble attempt to do so; misery loves company, after all.
Write a stand-up routine about your experiences that could be the next viral sensation. If it flops, at least the audience will laugh at you, if not the joke itself. It is a win/win situation.
Your Publication Is Shit
Yes, and so is yours
Conclusion
Remember, even in the darkest hours of slow internet, there’s always a silver lining. Perhaps it’s a newfound appreciation for patience, a stronger bond with your furry internet provider, or a hilarious anecdote to share with friends. Stay strong, internet warrior, and may your connection speed forever increase.