Definitive Guide to Making Thousands of Dollars a Month On Medium
(That Won’t Actually Work)
Disclaimer: This article is tongue and cheek and will not make you any money.
Introduction
Are you tired of living paycheck to paycheck? Do you dream of sipping margaritas on a beach while your passive income rolls in? Well, you have come to the right place.
I will share with you how to make money fast, with no effort at all; it is crazy why no one has thought of this already; I am going to make you freaking rich.
Just read this article until the end, and you will be amazed.
Everybody Hurts
Lifting Others Up
In this groundbreaking article, I will reveal the secret to making thousands of dollars a month right from the comfort of your own home. All you need is a computer, an internet connection, and a willingness to believe the impossible.
Step 1: Write a Clickbait Headline
The first step to financial freedom is to craft an irresistible headline that people can’t help but click. Here are a few proven formulas:
The Mystery: “You Won’t Believe What Happened Next…”
The Promise: “Make $10,000 a Month Doing This One Simple Thing”
The Fear: “Your Life Will Be Ruined If You Don’t Read This Now”
Step 2: Fill Your Article with Vague Promises and Empty Claims
Once you have lured your readers in, it’s time to reel them in. Use phrases like “revolutionary new method,” “secret loophole,” and “hidden opportunity.”
Don’t worry about providing any real substance or actionable advice. Just keep them hooked with endless speculation and hype.
Experts in Nothing
The Unsuccessful Wealth Advisors
Step 3: Monetize Your Content
Now comes the fun part: making money! Here are a few tried-and-true methods:
Affiliate Marketing: Promote products or services you have never used or even heard of.
Display Ads: Let advertisers pay you a tiny fraction of a penny for every thousand views your article gets.
Sponsored Content: Sell out your credibility by promoting someone else’s product or service.
The Ultimate Secret:
The real secret to making money online isn’t some magical formula or hidden technique. It’s hard work, dedication, and a genuine desire to provide value to your audience. But who wants to hear that, right?
So go ahead and keep clicking on those clickbait headlines. Keep dreaming of easy money. And remember, the only person who’s really getting rich here is the person who wrote the article.
Conclusion
Equally, you could get a life and try to earn respect, give people advise based on your expertise and generally be a good person (and slightly less rich).
As mentioned, this article is for entertainment purposes only, and I hope it raised a smile during your day.
So good to read.
Also, I hope, a lesson for those so deluded by the conditioning of a materialist society that they fall for these appallingly obvious and, in my view, stupid and unscrupulous techniques and one in the eye for those that use them.
It is sad that after 2000 years, 'Caveat Emptor' still applies - it seems that human beings are indeed slow learners and that immorality is as commonplace as ever.